A MOVIE THAT SAVED ME ON A REALLY HARD DAY

I was feeling mighty anxious today. I worked, I worked out, I went for a walk to calm down, I took a bath to sooth, I did all the damn thangs. Still, I was struggling, my body felt stiff as a hickory tree. I decided I needed to do something to shift my mindset, something to just get out of my head, so I thought, why not a movie?!

We went to a cool little indie theater to watch a movie deemed by a review as “today’s version of It’s a Wonderful Life!” Those are gargantuan shoes to fill, as it’s a wonderful Life has to be one of my favorite movies of all time and arguably one of the best movies of all time. It was called “THE LIFE OF CHUCK” and I decided I had to see this, thinking this had a message my heart needed to hear. We shuffled in two minutes late, clutching our water bottles and healthy snacks we snuck in to avoid eating some kind of chocolate snickers dip and dot concoction or triple buttered popcorn(though im not gonna lie, I love me some buttered popcorn). The movie took you to our modern world, crumbling with fires, earth quakes, war etc. Without giving away the movie, it woke my anxiety riddled ass up for at least a brief moment. The message was simple. We are here for a very short moment, so brief that its almost immeasurable…yet we are here and we are magnificent and you better get the hell up and start living because no matter how you look at it, your end is coming and what a bummer it would be not to dance and sing and love and not give a shit what someone wants you to be, but to be who and what YOU want to be. Yes I know, that sounds ooooey goooooey, self helpy and I know, it’s easier said than done….BUT if you really think about it, if we live at best 100 years, maybe 70-90 quality ones, why the hell wouldn’t we just be ourselves?

We see so much information and content that tells us we are doing it wrong, we aren’t good enough, we should be smarter, prettier, healthier, more successful etc. its no wonder we are a mess at times…how can we give away our power so easily?! Well we are surrounded by chaos, day in and day out, and then the real meaning of life gets pulled out from under us and we are left hopelessly sinking into a bottomless Olive Garden soup and breadstick pit of sadness. Then sometimes for a brief moment, whether it be through a song, a conversation with a stranger or in my case tonight, a movie, life taps you on the shoulder and says “hey Brett, wake the hell up, you are taking this shit way too seriously, you’re supposed to have fun, you’re supposed to feel the rain on your skin and the fire in your heart, you should really enjoy this, you deserve to enjoy this….there is enormous beauty even in the chaos….The message sank into my heart like 10,000 bricks…This life is beautiful, I have so much to be grateful for, yet sometimes, I get so caught up in a whirlwind of emotions and fears and expectations and overwhelm that I freeze and hide out. Its a common thing to do, its human, but damn if its not frustrating because there is so much beauty in just accepting who I am and accept that I can live my life however I choose, despite any fear and expectation. I think we all hold ourselves back sometimes because we fear we will fall on our face…well I say FALL ON YOUR FREAKING FACE. Most likely you will get back up and with a black eye, while whistling through a few missing teeth(that you can replace), you learn a whole hell of a lot from it, giving you more stories to tell and not wondering “WHAT IF” as you sit on your couch and stare at your phone as other people are “living their fabulous lives”.

I will leave ya with this…there is a moment in the movie where the star Chuck (Tom Hiddleston) is around my age and walking in a bustling little town and hears a girl busqing in the street on the drums and something deep down in him says to cease the day, to dance because he loved to dance, and he was damn good at it. Everyone gathers around and watches as he busts a move, hell, I myself was in the theater dancing and shaking my hips because it feels good to see others living and having fun and letting themselves feel free. We also see him as a kid, back when he knew he had the skills but he was scared as hell to get out on the dance floor. Eventually that kid gets the confidence, jumps out there and has the time of his life. That was the SPARK, the moment that he discovered the MAGIC. I remember that feeling as my young teenage heart was pounding backstage at the county fair talent show while mom tried to talk me off a nervous ledge…I took a deep breath, walked out crushedddd it, and the rest is well…I’ve had a lot of amazing experiences and struggles and yet…IM still here!

The truth is, you grow up and the world gets really really ridiculously REAL, really fast…BUT, that doesn’t mean you ever truly lose that spark. When I get scared to get up on stage in front of thousands of people, I feel just like that little kid, I WAS that little kid, I STILL am sometimes, but damn, I wanna let it fly! I wanna jump back in and sing my heart out, even if I get scared, there’s too much at stake not to go live. I hope you can feel into this, whatever it is fear is holding you back from, you’ve sure as hell got it in you to keep moving forward…think of what’s at stake if ya don’t!

I wrote this recently before a big show and I was full of what they call “anticipatory anxiety”….I was incredibly scared and anxious to get back on stage with my full band after a year and a half or so of not playing with them…I decided to bring that fear with me on stage instead fighting it, even if my legs felt like a jelly sandwich and my chest like vice grips were cranked so tight around it, I stepped out in front of 20,000 some people and decided to LIVE in spite of fear…the show was absolutely magical, I felt choked up, I still felt anxious in some ways but also know so many out in that crowd feel the same way in their lives at times. It was a big lesson to my heart and soul and a big win in the “be afraid and do it anyway” column. certainly there is something you’ve been holding yourself back from that you know deep down is important to you. Well I say do it…you’ve thought about it long enough…we can all go down these unknown roads together, what’s on the other side is a whole hell of a lot of life.

Take. that. step.